Relationships...

I wanted to take a moment today to have a conversation with you. It's not really Autism related, but I wanted to point something out in the world of parenting and relationships. Yes, despite your loved one having Autism, some of you are parents or behaving as caregivers.

Have you ever noticed, when you devote your life to someone else, you lose your identity? Think about it. When someone asks you to describe yourself, what do you tell them? What is the first thing you say? I always say "Well I'm a mom". Stop. Did I answer the question? No, not really. Describe yourself, WHO are you, not what are you. I am a smart, disciplined, outgoing, funny and strong woman, but is it selfish for me to acknowledge those parts of myself, since I am not putting my kids first?

Society puts such pressure on parents and caregivers. Somehow you love your little ones less when you think of yourself and that is just not true. Couldn't be further from the truth, actually. Think about the first time you met other parents in your kid's class. How did you introduce yourself. "Hi, I'm Aiden's mom." As if you have no other identity on this Earth and your sole purpose is to function as your child's caregiver, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. That is your primary purpose, but it is not your sole purpose. We cave to pressure. What you really have just said is "Hi, I love my kid so much and I don't want you to think I don't, so I'm going to put them first and then smile really hard through my coffee coma, because I am literally so exhausted, but I don't want you to know it because we are all Betty Crocker and Suzie Homemaker and We Can Do It poster material". What in the world is that? Why do I care? Because somehow we have come to value other's opinions first, then our families, then our friends, then our own. Why? How does your perception change when I say "Hi, my name is Sarah and Aiden is my son"?

I have just created my own identity and established that I am my own individual, separate and apart from my child, while maintaining that my son is important to me. Does it come off strong, it might. I have always had a strong personality, so I've had to accept that some people are uncomfortable with that. I have also told you that I am human, separate and apart from my child, and I'd like you to acknowledge that part of me. Ask other parent's for their own names and ask what they do for a living. Help them to think about themselves, you will find that people value being thought of as individuals.

Think about your friends. Do you have "selfish time" friends? Aka, friend that are not at all connected to your child other than through you. The people you spend the most time with are probably those you have met through your child and your friends are the parents of your child's friends. They are good people to have around, but I think you will find that some of them eb and flow. They leave and may come back, depending on the children's relationships. That's ok. It is a natural part of relationships. You are gaining from the relationship, as are they, until one of you is no longer gaining and then the friendship will fade. It's nothing to be sad about, but it is something to expect. Selfish time friends are important, because they care about YOU. They like to go out and have fun with you. So go out to lunch or dinner and have fun. You'll find that they can get your mind onto topics other than your child. Most parents brains are totally consumed with their children. I always find myself talking about my kids to other people. Why is that? Because your kids are literally on your mind ALL the time. And why shouldn't they be? They are people you are responsible for. That's a big undertaking. Sometimes I wonder what I ever talked about before I had kids, until I go out with my "selfish time" friends.

In some ways I find them rejuvenating. Some of them have kids themselves, so they can identify with kid issues, but we have never met their kids and we only keep up with their kids through social media. It is nice to have friends like that. They remind you of who you were before you became a parent or caregiver. You'll see them less after your child is born, and they will understand, but don't lose them.

I know its hard for some of you to find caregivers while you are away. There are a lot programs that are popping up that will allow you a few hours to yourself, ask your care team if they know of any. You need to take a break for yourself. Don't be afraid to maintain an identity as a human being, separate from your child. Don't be afraid to maintain that same thing with your spouse.

It's no secret that Autism puts strain on a marriage or relationship. It drains you both physically, emotionally, and financially. It drives a wedge, don't be afraid to flirt. "Hey there handsome" will make him feel good. "Good morning beautiful" will make her smile, especially in sweatpants and ripped up old shirt. You have to build each other up and what does it really take, but a moment? Contact is so important to human beings. A hug, a simple hug, can lower your heart rate and release endorphins. A gentle touch can break a stress cycle. Hold hands. Something as simple as that can do so much when you're just walking together or arguing about something. It actually forces you to listen to the other person, because it physically reminds you that there is another person there with you.

Adult relations probably take the biggest hit during child rearing for typical parents, so imagine what it does to parents in your situation. I know you are already tired and I know you feel like literally falling over at the end of the day, but make time. Realistically what does it take? 15 more minutes of your time, if your lucky. (That's a joke, ya'll, laugh.) Don't let the love you had for each other before kids, be the only thing expected to make a relationship last. You have to maintain it, just as you need to maintain yourself.

Finding a balance is hard and nothing will ever be 100% balanced all the time. Most of the time life feels like a rat race, therapists, doctors, school, work, it can be overwhelming. I recently had to break that cycle. I was stressed, forgetting appointments, and found myself unwilling to go to the ones I did remember. I have stopped taking Aiden to some of his specialists. We have gotten the answers we need for now and its time to just de-clutter the schedule. Some of you don't have that luxury and I understand that. Try to pick two days in the week, minimum, where you do nothing, it can be a school day since you are not the one in class. You sit at home and watch movies or read books, one of those days, once a month, try to get together with a friend or two. You'll find it helps your peace of mind. Meet your spouse for lunch, if you can, during the week and enjoy a moment together. You'll find it does so much for your state of mind.

Good luck and we hope you have enjoyed this moment. Thank you for sharing it with us!

No clothes...Again?

Have any of you ever encountered this? Aiden is going to be 4 soon and he still strips down the the nude. I have heard other parents talking about their children with Autism doing this. Why is that?

Don't let this worry you to much. What I've found is there are a lot of people who do this, particularly when going to the restroom, and it is certainly a behavior not selective to Autism. A good amount of parents say their children out grew the behavior. I hope that offers you some comfort.

I have found that inside our home Aiden strips completely, its what he feels comfortable with. In public he stays completely dressed. Our daughter just turned 2 and hardly understands what nudity is or what the differences are between boys and girls. We have been trying to get Aiden to leave his clothes on in the house, but find being clothed all day seems to overwhelm him. Aiden is day time potty trained, but at night he still sleeps in a diaper, refusing to sleep in bed clothes.

A high functioning child, like my son, can understand the need to wear clothing in public. Sometimes with nothing more than a simple explanation. Understanding the perceptions of others and the appropriateness of social situations in regard to clothes maybe lost on them at first, but seeing you wear your clothes in public will help. Be contentious of how you explain this situation. Children can be impressionable and you really want to avoid making them feel uncomfortable with their bodies. Something like "Mommy wears clothes. Daddy wears clothes. Sister/brother wears clothes. Grandma and grandpa wear clothes. So you wear clothes too."  This rational "normalizes" the behavior.

So what do you do if your child is not high functioning? Continue to explain to the child what it is you expect, just as you would for any other child. There are some things you can do like turning the clothes around so the buttons, zippers, fasteners, etc are in the back instead of the easily excess able front. You can also try dressing in layers.

The explanation I found most acceptable was the sensory one. As you know certain textures of clothing may be found to be irritable to children with Sensory Processing Disorder or Autism. Things like tags and rough fabric may be one cause for stripping. Fabric softener is a good way to soften clothes if rough texture is difficult on your loved one. It was explained that some children need the pressure that loose fitting clothing cannot provide. So the loose fitting clothing may be seen as an annoyance.

This got me thinking, what if you dressed your loved one in clothing that provided more pressure? How in the world do you do that without tight fitting clothes? Swimming shirts like those that swimmers and surfers wear are made of spandex type of material and may provide the right amount of pressure. They are tight enough to fit under clothing and maybe acceptable to your loved one. Its worth a try if stripping is a constant issue for your family. Another solution comes in the form of weighted vests and shirts. They are sold online from multiple different companies and are fairly common in the Autism community. They range from $50.00-$100.00 each. The vests function much the same as weighted blankets and are being designed to be more fashionable.

Lots of products are being fashioned to help your child or loved one with their sensory needs. I stumbled on seamless socks today while looking at different types of vests. Therawear has some for sale on their website, but I cannot determine of the price is per pair or per set. I have also found that Striderite makes some as well. Either way for some parents and caregivers things like this maybe priceless. 

Here is a blog from a sensory mom that gives great tips for dressing a sensory sensitive loved one. I hope this helps you: 11 More Tips for Dressing Your Sensory-Sensitive Child

Here is a link to other sensory coping items for use and wear: Must Have School Gear for Kids with Sensory Issues

For more tips and help with your specific struggles contact speak with your care team. Behavior modification provided by your ABA will be specifically helpful during this struggle. An Occupational Therapist can help with any sensory issues you maybe experiencing.

As always we are here for you at Aiden's Heroes. Follow our Facebook page and Pinterest boards for the latest and greatest from us. Thank you for including us on your Autism journey. 

Tis the Season

"Tis the season to be jolly" they say. Beautiful lights, the smell of pine and cinnamon, happy screeching children, the wrapping paper, bows, carols, family, friends, meltdowns, jingling bells...wait, meltdowns? That's right, meltdowns. Your loved one with Autism will be subjected to more sensory input now than most times of the year. Holidays are always a challenge, even for high functioning kids like Aiden.

Aiden has been particularly sensory sensitive for about a week and a half now. We've had a cold front move in, so all his clothes are long sleeves and pants. People in the neighborhood are putting up Christmas lights. Almost every store you walk into is blasting Holiday music and the smell of pine and cinnamon are almost obnoxious to me, so to him I can only imagine. Out of town family is on their way if they aren't here already. Everything is just so busy and don't think for one moment the stress of the season isn't impacting them too.

How can you help them? Its more simple than you think. First, your out of town family. They, especially to little ones, are practically strangers. Some people believe that being family there is an implied consent to touch, hug, or kiss, your little ones. For typical kids this is acceptable and they can withstand it for brief moments, not so for kids with Autism. Its not that they're being mean, but if touch is few and far between for people in their every day lives, then it is certainly unacceptable for people they hardly know to touch them. So what do you do? Send your out of town family a list. Tell them what the likes and dislikes are for your child and allow them to exercise the "likes" within reason. Most people don't know what to do around a child with Autism, so they over compensate, almost to a sickening level. Your loved one's mannerisms may be unsettling if the behavior isn't understood. If you notice your loved one connecting with a particular family member, take them aside and talk to them. "I see that (insert name here) has really taken to you. That bond is really something special, its hard for (insert name) to connect with people, but you've made it easy for him/her to connect with you. Thank you for being so great with him/her."

How do you handle stores? First know what your child is sensory sensitive to. Aiden isn't particularly sensitive to smell, he will point it out unmercifully, but he can push past it for a time. If you notice a store with strong smells, try to go alone. I know that's tough. Can you order your items online? Sometimes shipping fees are worth it to avoid sensory meltdowns. If not and you must take them call the store the day before. Explain your situation and ask if they will pull the items for you, so you can just go right to check out. I'd be willing to bet 99% of stores will accommodate your request and if your store falls into that 1% that won't, then their competitor will.

Sound is Aiden's Achilles heel, as most of you know by now. We solve that problem with ear protection. Its relatively inexpensive and you can pick up a pair at most surplus, big box, or hunting supply stores. Just keep a pair in the car or in your purse and a pair in the house. That way they can enjoy the same things you are, not be tortured by them.

The holidays can be fun for everyone with some help from you. You're an important part to your child's successful holiday season.

We here at Aiden's Heroes want to wish you and your family a very safe and Happy Holiday and New Year. We hope this next year is better than this one and that you continue to join us on your Autism journey.

You can always connect with us on Facebook and Pinterest! 

To Tell or Not to Tell

Its one of the hardest decisions. Do I tell my child they have Autism? If their low functioning will they even understand? If they're high functioning and doing well, does it matter? Will telling them make them conform to a label?

As the parent of a child with Autism I understand these frustrations and one day I may be faced with the situation. I think this decision is personal to each person. I know, being the type of person I am, I would rather know than not. To me its like the doctor withholding that you have cancer. Now we all know that Autism is nothing like cancer. Cancer can eventually kill a person, but Autism alone does not.

First I think its important to know your child is aware there is something "wrong" with them from a very young age. My son asks me why he has to see so many doctors and he is almost 4. My husband and I don't speak about Aiden's Autism on a daily basis by any means, we just know its part of who he is and we just accept it as part of our normal daily life. If I have to take Aiden to a specialist I say "Aiden has a doctor appointment", but I usually don't have to elaborate. We don't refer to our therapy team as their specialization, like our ABA or OT, we refer to them by name. Still he knows. How? His sister. Our daughter, from what we can tell, is neurotypical. She goes to the appointments with us, but is not there to see the doctor.

For right now, when Aiden asks me what is wrong with him, I simply respond: "Nothing, you are just so awesome and everyone wants to know why." That's good enough for now. I know, when he goes to school, one day he is going to ask me "Mom, do you ever feel different for other people" or "Mom, I don't think I fit in" or "Mom, why is it so hard for me to make friends?". That is when I'll know that it is time to start talking about it.

How you tell your child is going to be important. How you tell them can set the tone for how they react to their own diagnosis. Have you ever received a life changing diagnosis? The day I was told I have psoriatic arthritis and would need medication for the rest of my life was a life changing day for me. The day we received Aiden's diagnosis was a life changing day for me. Those are days you don't ever forget. That will be this day for your child. You need to know your child's temperament, personality, and character. Talk to your child's psychologist or trusted member of your care team around your child's 5 or 6th birthday. High functioning children become self aware of their differences around the age of 6 or 7.

So what about the children who are lower functioning? Remember, low functioning does not necessarily mean unintelligent or low IQ. I've discussed this in prior posts. Its fair to assume they know there is something different about them at or around the same time as their higher functioning or neurotypical peers. If you chose to tell them I would do so around this same age.

How do you introduce it? Slowly. My son is involved with the Autism Society of Greater Orlando, so I can only assume, at some point, he will put two and two together, if you know what I mean. He will draw the connection on his own. I envision the conversation starting with one of the questions I mention above. Of course I feel different than my peers. I've always felt that way, even from a young age. So I would start out by saying "I understand how you feel, but sometimes there are reasons for our behavior that other people can't understand without help." Like what? See I have this question easy. I'm a cop for a living, most of you know that from my prior posts. We act differently than other "normal" people because of what our job expose us to and how we are trained. I mean do you really care if your back is to a door at a restaurant? Probably not a deal breaker. For us, big issue. Those kinds of things. So I'd probably point out some of the weird things I do in public because of my law enforcement background. Then it would probably transition to "I know I am different because I was trained to be. You may feel different, but that is because you were born with a different way of thinking than other people. The way you think is known to others as Autism." That begins the questions.

You know the level you need to speak to your child on. Their "maturity" level as its called. Try to explain it in a way that is easily repeatable to their friends, if they are verbal, but make it clear they don't have to tell anyone if they don't want to. Welcome their questions with an open heart and open mind. If you don't know the answer don't make something up. Ask them what they think and if they don't know, then take it upon yourself to find out for them. Tell them you'll look it up or ask. Don't be afraid to show your humanity to your child when you are reminding them how human they are. You are not superior, you are experienced, there is a difference in the delivery and that is true for all situations, not just parenting.

Older children may have an idea of what Autism is. They may already have associated it with being something negative. You will have an interesting set of challenges as a parent in this situation. I still believe they should be told, but don't be surprised if they don't want to talk about it right away. Respect that space. Tell them you want to talk about it and answer their questions. Enforce that this is not who they are, its just part of who they are. Remind them no one is perfect, and this is a hurdle that they will overcome in their life. But above all remind them they are not alone in this. You are there for them. Let them come to you when they are ready. They may do some research on their own at first. Never demean them from doing that, instead applaud them for their maturity and for educating themselves. Engage them in the topic they present, be honest and sincere, but not judgmental. Unless you have Autism, you are limited in knowing the full extent of Autism. I can research Autism, write this blog, live as a mother to a child with Autism, cry with him, hurt with him, and fight with him, but I can not be him. I cannot live his life. As much as I may wish to jump into his head for one day, I can't.

Remember to think about how you're going to deliver this information to them. How you tell your child about their diagnosis will set the tone for how they feel about themselves. The diagnosis is not a definition of who they are. When people ask your child to describe themselves, what would you want them to say? Autistic is not what I want my son to say first, if at all. Autism is just one part of who he is. For other parents, especially with those who have low to moderate functioning loved ones, they may want their child to introduce themselves and immediately volunteer the fact that they have Autism. This is a safety concern I understand and advocate for based on the individual.

This is just my opinion on this topic. Some others may feel differently than I and that's ok. As always, we here at Aiden's Heroes are here for you.

My Husband, My Hero

It's occurred to me I've never said thank you. I've never told you how much I appreciate you. I've never said it and I need to. I should have before now. When things got tough, you stayed with me. You've held my hand when I've cried. You listen when I'm angry. You make me smile when I don't want to. I don't know if you do this because you know how or just because you can. Yet, through all my meltdowns you love me. You love me when I'm flawed, you love me when I'm weak, you love me when I'm scared, and you love me when I just need a day in sweatpants. Thank you.

Thank you for making me feel like I'm more than any other woman. Thank you for letting me shine. Thank you for being my dose of reality in life. Thank you for music-less dancing. Thank you for goofy song lyrics. Thank you for long talks in the car. Thank you for kisses before leaving for work. Thank you for surprise love letters. Thank you for doing the dishes the other day. Thank you for the microwave meals and frozen pizza dinners. Thank you for being the saver, not the spender. Thank you for never yelling at me when we disagree. Thank you.

Thank you for fighting when I can't. Thank you for laughing when I won't. Thank you for finding the words when I can't think. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for picking up where I leave off. Thank you for letting me explode. Thank you for putting me back together. Thank you for enduring the fire of my personality. Thank you for kindness. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for support. Thank you.

Autism is genetic in my family, yet during our financial struggles, therapy arguments, and misunderstandings you've never blamed me. You've never accused me of being the cause. I've never said thank you, because in my few weakest moments, I do. I do blame myself and somehow you don't care. Somehow you love me despite my flaws. Somehow you love us unconditionally. Thank you for love I've never known. Thank you.

You're my husband, my hero, and I love you.

How the System Failed my Family

I'm going to take a moment to talk to you personally. I don't do this much, most of our articles are very educational in nature, but I need a break from research. I just want to be human right along with you if that's ok.

Over the last few months I've been coping with the reality that no one out there wants to help us. What do I mean by that? Well it all started with the public school system. Aiden was involved with a government program here called Early Steps. Part of the services Early Steps offers is called transition. In transition they set up a IEP meeting with your local school system to determine if your child qualifies for services through the public school system. The school system representatives informed us that Aiden does not qualify for an IEP based on his intelligence. They, in all their wisdom, made the determination that there is not an "educational" need for Aiden to receive these services. Now, the school system will gladly accept the medical diagnosis to get the addition money the receive from the government, but they will not give my child the protective contract he needs to ensure a successful educational career. You didn't know that the schools are paid for "special needs" kids? Yep, they surely are. The McKay Scholarship, here in Florida, takes that money away when the school fails your child. The school did say he should have a 504 plan. Which is a step down from the IEP and its not binding. I informed them of his sensory struggles, but that didn't seem to matter.

We then went and filed our tax return. I found out that amount of money we had paid out of pocket for doctors and therapy expenses did not meet the threshold necessary, according to tax code, for a credit. I was floored. We had been paying so much money, but it wasn't enough.

After that we attempted to secure secondary insurance for Aiden through Florida Kid Care. We have primary health care through our employer, but you have the ability to secure secondary insurance through another agency. One of the things Kid Care advertised that they offer is secondary insurance through Medicaid. However after Aiden was denied coverage through Kid Care (because he has insurance) we were told Kid Care does not actually forward applications to Medicaid. So my brainiac question was why does it say you represent them on your website? They informed me that their website does not advertise that information. A lie. You can go to their about section and see the information for yourself.

After our let down with Kid Care we reached out to the SSI department. We applied and went into the meeting. First of all allow me to explain a few things, to be fair. My husband and I are both employed. He is full time and I am part time. Now you'd say why aren't you full time? The answer is simple, we cannot afford daycare for our kids. Part time day care costs the equivalent of our mortgage payments, monthly. There is no possible way for us to swing that and it won't cover weekend work hours. That is why I am part time, but I easily put in about 30 hours a week at work, while I am there. So with that explanation in place, my husband and I were only coming out ahead about $200 a month, at best. Aiden's medical bills cost us about $500 a month with insurance. When we went for our SSI appointment they only wanted to know two things: 1- What is your gross income? and 2- Do you own anything? They didn't care about our household bills, because electricity is optional evidently. They told me that I could ask for help from Medicaid as a secondary insurance and that is when I broke down.

I have just started coming out of the withdrawal I have been feeling for months now. All the "fight" drained from me. Aiden missed appointments with specialists and I didn't care. Thankfully he is a very healthy little guy on his own. We have been trying to figure out what was causing his constipation, but we have that under control now, and that was the appointment he missed. I was spending money on doctors, therapists, and specialists hand over fist. Every week we had an appointment to keep and we needed help. Help we weren't getting and still aren't getting. My husband picked up two extra work shifts a week and that has off set our need.

This is why I lost it. I didn't feel like I was asking for much. I didn't feel like what I was asking for was out of line. I wasn't asking for my whole family, I was asking for Aiden alone. Just something to help off set the money we are paying for his care. In this country, you have to be drowning in order to get help. We were barely keeping our heads above water and were asking for help. You can only be smacked down so many times before you feel completely drained. Now I'm angry, but I don't know who to talk to about it.

In a sense we are lucky and I know that. Aiden is high functioning and if he weren't we would be worse off, but that is the mind blowing thing. I know people who have loved ones on the lower end of the spectrum and they have had to refinance their homes and take loans in order to pay for medical bills. What is it, exactly, that families in America have to do? I pay money to my government, involuntarily, for the benefit of others. I have met people who draw SSI benefits for things like epilepsy, yet they drive cars. For depression, yet they commit crime. So I fail to see how my request or better said requests are ungranted. And I feel that they escalated in the most proper manner I could think of, from "least" to "most" impactful.

Our story is repeated hundreds, maybe thousands of times, all over the country, by so many more families. Staying strong and present is hard after enduring so much. In times like this its hardest, but most important to remember you're not alone.

Thank you for letting me be human. Thank you for understanding, some if not all of what I am saying. Be sure to follow us on Facebook for the latest updates. 

Relax...Its ok

My son has Autism and my daughter is neurotypical. I have a husband and a job. I run this blog and the Aiden's Heroes Facebook page. I have a home sales business. Among all these things I have to find time to maintain my vegetable garden and stay on top of household chores. Many of you are a lot like me. Many of you have a lot of work on your plate. So you ask how do I find time to relax? The answer is difficult and simple: I make it.

I make time to relax. Sometimes it comes at the cost of house chores or a blog post, but finding time to maintain your sanity is very important. Did you know, according to preliminary findings from the IAN Network, as reported by Autism Speaks, approximately 44% of mothers and 30% of fathers to individuals with Autism have been diagnosed with clinical depression? The study reports that 50% of these cases began before the birth of their child with Autism. That means that the other 50% of the cases came afterword.

Stress is my biggest enemy. I find myself under constant stress and on an almost daily basis. Its tough on me and it makes me, at best, irritable. I know that and I notice when it gets worse. For instance today I am more edgy that usual. So I know its time for me to take time to relax. A 2009 article published by Disability Scoop discovered that, particularly mothers, of individuals with Autism experience stress similar to combat soldiers. What does that mean? Its constant. Its a constant bombardment of input and attempts to regain control of your environment.

Its easy for someone to say "you're the parent, so you are in control", but any parent of a child with behavioral disorders knows better. When you are the parent to a child with Autism you are barely holding your head above water, at least that's how it feels. You are probably more in control that you realize. I remember the first time our ABA therapist said "He listens to you very well". I could only say "Really? Because most of the time I feel like I am barely in control". From the outside looking in she saw someone in control, when inside I feel almost constant chaos. I am sure I am not the only parent that feels like this.

So what techniques do I use to relax?

1- A nice hot bath after both kids go to bed. Nothing clears up tension in my shoulders like a hot Epsom salt bath, Its my best form of therapy by far. To add further relaxation I will turn out the lights, light a few candles, turn on some light instrumental music, and sip a glass of red wine. Sometimes I add lavender and chamomile bubble bath solution for some aroma therapy.

2- Watch a movie. Pick a movie you love or have always wanted to see. There are great places to rent movies or get streaming video. Shut off the lights, pop some popcorn, grab a box of chocolates and enjoy some entertainment. You can do this after the kids go to bed, or you can do this while the kids watch their own movie in another room. 

3- Splurge every once in a while and treat yourself to a full body massage. Massage is commonly avoided by most people since it seems frivolous. Actually massages, for the money, are well worth the cost. Most are only about $60-$75 for a whole hour. When you break that down per minute its well worth the experience. In fact, there are many health benefits to be gained from professionally administered massages. I have had a few in my lifetime and I think its terribly important to do so annually, at minimum. Ask for it for your birthday, Christmas, or other holiday. Family members will give you gift cards or certificates for massages. And you don't have to be naked during a massage, if that makes you uncomfortable! 

4- Have an at home date night. Its so important for parents to stay connected. An at home date night can do just that. Eat snack size meals throughout the day, but cook a beautiful dinner at home. You can do so together if you would like. Turn down the lights, add some candles for a romantic ambiance, and put on some instrumental music. Or build a living room tent and watch a movie under the sheets. You don't have to spend a lot of money to keep the spark alive or to open the communication lines. Here is a great link for more ideas.

5- Read a fantasy, fiction, or sci-fi novel. Why? Its unrealistic, adventurous, and does not engage your overworked mind with lots of information. Instead these novels stimulate other parts of your brain and don't overly tax your thought processes. Its important to read things off topics that stress you. Work for instance, don't read books about what you do for a living or about Autism, in an effort to relax. You may thwart your efforts. I am not saying don't read to educate yourself in your profession or about health care issues, please do, but if relaxation is your goal I suggest reading something off topic. 

6- Craft. Crafting is fun, budget friendly, and joyful. I scrapbook, knit, loom, and paint to relax. I find all of these things enjoyable and easy to do any time of the day. I also love to write, though its not crafting, writing is a creative process and allows for a release. Below is a photo of a horse I knitted recently.

Do not deny yourself time to relax. It is extremely necessary for you to momentarily remove yourself from the world around you and do something calming. Always remember it is ok for you to pay attention to yourself. It is not only beneficial for your health, but the health of your family too. How can you care for them, if you do not care for yourself?

We are always here for you at Aiden's Heroes. Need a topic covered that you haven't seen yet? Post to us on our Facebook page, Aiden's Heroes, with your ideas!