No clothes...Again?

Have any of you ever encountered this? Aiden is going to be 4 soon and he still strips down the the nude. I have heard other parents talking about their children with Autism doing this. Why is that?

Don't let this worry you to much. What I've found is there are a lot of people who do this, particularly when going to the restroom, and it is certainly a behavior not selective to Autism. A good amount of parents say their children out grew the behavior. I hope that offers you some comfort.

I have found that inside our home Aiden strips completely, its what he feels comfortable with. In public he stays completely dressed. Our daughter just turned 2 and hardly understands what nudity is or what the differences are between boys and girls. We have been trying to get Aiden to leave his clothes on in the house, but find being clothed all day seems to overwhelm him. Aiden is day time potty trained, but at night he still sleeps in a diaper, refusing to sleep in bed clothes.

A high functioning child, like my son, can understand the need to wear clothing in public. Sometimes with nothing more than a simple explanation. Understanding the perceptions of others and the appropriateness of social situations in regard to clothes maybe lost on them at first, but seeing you wear your clothes in public will help. Be contentious of how you explain this situation. Children can be impressionable and you really want to avoid making them feel uncomfortable with their bodies. Something like "Mommy wears clothes. Daddy wears clothes. Sister/brother wears clothes. Grandma and grandpa wear clothes. So you wear clothes too."  This rational "normalizes" the behavior.

So what do you do if your child is not high functioning? Continue to explain to the child what it is you expect, just as you would for any other child. There are some things you can do like turning the clothes around so the buttons, zippers, fasteners, etc are in the back instead of the easily excess able front. You can also try dressing in layers.

The explanation I found most acceptable was the sensory one. As you know certain textures of clothing may be found to be irritable to children with Sensory Processing Disorder or Autism. Things like tags and rough fabric may be one cause for stripping. Fabric softener is a good way to soften clothes if rough texture is difficult on your loved one. It was explained that some children need the pressure that loose fitting clothing cannot provide. So the loose fitting clothing may be seen as an annoyance.

This got me thinking, what if you dressed your loved one in clothing that provided more pressure? How in the world do you do that without tight fitting clothes? Swimming shirts like those that swimmers and surfers wear are made of spandex type of material and may provide the right amount of pressure. They are tight enough to fit under clothing and maybe acceptable to your loved one. Its worth a try if stripping is a constant issue for your family. Another solution comes in the form of weighted vests and shirts. They are sold online from multiple different companies and are fairly common in the Autism community. They range from $50.00-$100.00 each. The vests function much the same as weighted blankets and are being designed to be more fashionable.

Lots of products are being fashioned to help your child or loved one with their sensory needs. I stumbled on seamless socks today while looking at different types of vests. Therawear has some for sale on their website, but I cannot determine of the price is per pair or per set. I have also found that Striderite makes some as well. Either way for some parents and caregivers things like this maybe priceless. 

Here is a blog from a sensory mom that gives great tips for dressing a sensory sensitive loved one. I hope this helps you: 11 More Tips for Dressing Your Sensory-Sensitive Child

Here is a link to other sensory coping items for use and wear: Must Have School Gear for Kids with Sensory Issues

For more tips and help with your specific struggles contact speak with your care team. Behavior modification provided by your ABA will be specifically helpful during this struggle. An Occupational Therapist can help with any sensory issues you maybe experiencing.

As always we are here for you at Aiden's Heroes. Follow our Facebook page and Pinterest boards for the latest and greatest from us. Thank you for including us on your Autism journey. 

Tis the Season

"Tis the season to be jolly" they say. Beautiful lights, the smell of pine and cinnamon, happy screeching children, the wrapping paper, bows, carols, family, friends, meltdowns, jingling bells...wait, meltdowns? That's right, meltdowns. Your loved one with Autism will be subjected to more sensory input now than most times of the year. Holidays are always a challenge, even for high functioning kids like Aiden.

Aiden has been particularly sensory sensitive for about a week and a half now. We've had a cold front move in, so all his clothes are long sleeves and pants. People in the neighborhood are putting up Christmas lights. Almost every store you walk into is blasting Holiday music and the smell of pine and cinnamon are almost obnoxious to me, so to him I can only imagine. Out of town family is on their way if they aren't here already. Everything is just so busy and don't think for one moment the stress of the season isn't impacting them too.

How can you help them? Its more simple than you think. First, your out of town family. They, especially to little ones, are practically strangers. Some people believe that being family there is an implied consent to touch, hug, or kiss, your little ones. For typical kids this is acceptable and they can withstand it for brief moments, not so for kids with Autism. Its not that they're being mean, but if touch is few and far between for people in their every day lives, then it is certainly unacceptable for people they hardly know to touch them. So what do you do? Send your out of town family a list. Tell them what the likes and dislikes are for your child and allow them to exercise the "likes" within reason. Most people don't know what to do around a child with Autism, so they over compensate, almost to a sickening level. Your loved one's mannerisms may be unsettling if the behavior isn't understood. If you notice your loved one connecting with a particular family member, take them aside and talk to them. "I see that (insert name here) has really taken to you. That bond is really something special, its hard for (insert name) to connect with people, but you've made it easy for him/her to connect with you. Thank you for being so great with him/her."

How do you handle stores? First know what your child is sensory sensitive to. Aiden isn't particularly sensitive to smell, he will point it out unmercifully, but he can push past it for a time. If you notice a store with strong smells, try to go alone. I know that's tough. Can you order your items online? Sometimes shipping fees are worth it to avoid sensory meltdowns. If not and you must take them call the store the day before. Explain your situation and ask if they will pull the items for you, so you can just go right to check out. I'd be willing to bet 99% of stores will accommodate your request and if your store falls into that 1% that won't, then their competitor will.

Sound is Aiden's Achilles heel, as most of you know by now. We solve that problem with ear protection. Its relatively inexpensive and you can pick up a pair at most surplus, big box, or hunting supply stores. Just keep a pair in the car or in your purse and a pair in the house. That way they can enjoy the same things you are, not be tortured by them.

The holidays can be fun for everyone with some help from you. You're an important part to your child's successful holiday season.

We here at Aiden's Heroes want to wish you and your family a very safe and Happy Holiday and New Year. We hope this next year is better than this one and that you continue to join us on your Autism journey.

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To Tell or Not to Tell

Its one of the hardest decisions. Do I tell my child they have Autism? If their low functioning will they even understand? If they're high functioning and doing well, does it matter? Will telling them make them conform to a label?

As the parent of a child with Autism I understand these frustrations and one day I may be faced with the situation. I think this decision is personal to each person. I know, being the type of person I am, I would rather know than not. To me its like the doctor withholding that you have cancer. Now we all know that Autism is nothing like cancer. Cancer can eventually kill a person, but Autism alone does not.

First I think its important to know your child is aware there is something "wrong" with them from a very young age. My son asks me why he has to see so many doctors and he is almost 4. My husband and I don't speak about Aiden's Autism on a daily basis by any means, we just know its part of who he is and we just accept it as part of our normal daily life. If I have to take Aiden to a specialist I say "Aiden has a doctor appointment", but I usually don't have to elaborate. We don't refer to our therapy team as their specialization, like our ABA or OT, we refer to them by name. Still he knows. How? His sister. Our daughter, from what we can tell, is neurotypical. She goes to the appointments with us, but is not there to see the doctor.

For right now, when Aiden asks me what is wrong with him, I simply respond: "Nothing, you are just so awesome and everyone wants to know why." That's good enough for now. I know, when he goes to school, one day he is going to ask me "Mom, do you ever feel different for other people" or "Mom, I don't think I fit in" or "Mom, why is it so hard for me to make friends?". That is when I'll know that it is time to start talking about it.

How you tell your child is going to be important. How you tell them can set the tone for how they react to their own diagnosis. Have you ever received a life changing diagnosis? The day I was told I have psoriatic arthritis and would need medication for the rest of my life was a life changing day for me. The day we received Aiden's diagnosis was a life changing day for me. Those are days you don't ever forget. That will be this day for your child. You need to know your child's temperament, personality, and character. Talk to your child's psychologist or trusted member of your care team around your child's 5 or 6th birthday. High functioning children become self aware of their differences around the age of 6 or 7.

So what about the children who are lower functioning? Remember, low functioning does not necessarily mean unintelligent or low IQ. I've discussed this in prior posts. Its fair to assume they know there is something different about them at or around the same time as their higher functioning or neurotypical peers. If you chose to tell them I would do so around this same age.

How do you introduce it? Slowly. My son is involved with the Autism Society of Greater Orlando, so I can only assume, at some point, he will put two and two together, if you know what I mean. He will draw the connection on his own. I envision the conversation starting with one of the questions I mention above. Of course I feel different than my peers. I've always felt that way, even from a young age. So I would start out by saying "I understand how you feel, but sometimes there are reasons for our behavior that other people can't understand without help." Like what? See I have this question easy. I'm a cop for a living, most of you know that from my prior posts. We act differently than other "normal" people because of what our job expose us to and how we are trained. I mean do you really care if your back is to a door at a restaurant? Probably not a deal breaker. For us, big issue. Those kinds of things. So I'd probably point out some of the weird things I do in public because of my law enforcement background. Then it would probably transition to "I know I am different because I was trained to be. You may feel different, but that is because you were born with a different way of thinking than other people. The way you think is known to others as Autism." That begins the questions.

You know the level you need to speak to your child on. Their "maturity" level as its called. Try to explain it in a way that is easily repeatable to their friends, if they are verbal, but make it clear they don't have to tell anyone if they don't want to. Welcome their questions with an open heart and open mind. If you don't know the answer don't make something up. Ask them what they think and if they don't know, then take it upon yourself to find out for them. Tell them you'll look it up or ask. Don't be afraid to show your humanity to your child when you are reminding them how human they are. You are not superior, you are experienced, there is a difference in the delivery and that is true for all situations, not just parenting.

Older children may have an idea of what Autism is. They may already have associated it with being something negative. You will have an interesting set of challenges as a parent in this situation. I still believe they should be told, but don't be surprised if they don't want to talk about it right away. Respect that space. Tell them you want to talk about it and answer their questions. Enforce that this is not who they are, its just part of who they are. Remind them no one is perfect, and this is a hurdle that they will overcome in their life. But above all remind them they are not alone in this. You are there for them. Let them come to you when they are ready. They may do some research on their own at first. Never demean them from doing that, instead applaud them for their maturity and for educating themselves. Engage them in the topic they present, be honest and sincere, but not judgmental. Unless you have Autism, you are limited in knowing the full extent of Autism. I can research Autism, write this blog, live as a mother to a child with Autism, cry with him, hurt with him, and fight with him, but I can not be him. I cannot live his life. As much as I may wish to jump into his head for one day, I can't.

Remember to think about how you're going to deliver this information to them. How you tell your child about their diagnosis will set the tone for how they feel about themselves. The diagnosis is not a definition of who they are. When people ask your child to describe themselves, what would you want them to say? Autistic is not what I want my son to say first, if at all. Autism is just one part of who he is. For other parents, especially with those who have low to moderate functioning loved ones, they may want their child to introduce themselves and immediately volunteer the fact that they have Autism. This is a safety concern I understand and advocate for based on the individual.

This is just my opinion on this topic. Some others may feel differently than I and that's ok. As always, we here at Aiden's Heroes are here for you.