Hello everyone! So sorry for the lack of posting. A lot of things have been happening, I hope you've been checking the Facebook page and keeping in touch through that. Today I really wanted to talk about sibling to Autism and what their family life is like. Over this past month we have gone to many Autism Awareness events in the community and a lot of them involve the whole family. My daughter, Haley, will be 18 months old this summer. She is a sibling to Autism. I am also a sibling to Autism. My younger brother was diagnosed last year at the age of 25. This post is dedicated to her and all the other beautiful children out there who are Autisibs, as I lovingly call them.
In 2011 the BSRC (Baby Sibling Research Consortium) estimated that 1 in 5 younger siblings of those with Autism, will be on the spectrum themselves. That translates to approximately 20% of our Autisibs being Autistic themselves. In 2012 the BSRC reported that of the Autisibs, who did not develop Autism by age four, approximately 35% displayed Autistic behavior and were delayed in milestone development. What does all that mean? Children learn a great deal through peer modeling. My son has certain behaviors he displays due to his Autism. I have caught my daughter mimicking those behaviors. I strongly suspect this is what is happening here. On the other hand, my son is high functioning. He is three and can read most sight words and short sentences. His vocabulary skills are part of his Autistic brain and this has translated to my daughter. Haley has a large vocabulary for a child her age. However, if she is not Autistic herself (which we believe to be true), her peers will catch up to her in elementary school.
How do children who are typically developing adjust to having an Autistic sibling? The answer is typically very well. (Breathe a sigh of relief here) Remember in any family, typical or not, there is a level of sibling rivalry. Siblings live with this their entire lives, so they really don't know what life is like without the disability. Generally siblings of a special needs child will grow to be very compassionate, independent, and tolerant adults. Every child is different and how they adapt to their own situations will be different. Be sure to be open to discuss Autism with your typically developing child. Provide individual support for them and involve yourself in their life. When you have a special needs child it is easy to get swept into the world of research, education, and advocacy. That is not bad, but try to remember to step away and just be mom or dad. Take your child to soccer practice, go to their swim meets, and support their math league or drama team endeavors. All they want is for you to appreciate them as an individual.
How do you explain Autism to your typically developing child? That is variant on your child and how much you want to explain. Keep everything age appropriate. You shouldn't keep information from your child if they ask you a direct question. Try to find the best way to answer it. There are books out there that can help you explain disorders to your children. If you see your Autistic child entering a meltdown that can be an incredibly unnerving experience for your typically developing child. Take a moment to calmly take them by the hand and express everything is ok. Get down on their level and tell them as sincerely as possible that you as the adult understand what is going on and it is very important that they do exactly what you say. Give them a job. Please hold mommy's purse and stay right here, or please call daddy on the phone and tell him what you are seeing. Discuss this with your spouse, have your spouse give verbal directive over the phone and talk the child through the process your Autistic child is going through. If your spouse is with you, try to remove your typical child and distract them, especially if they are young. There are also social media groups and play groups available for kids and young adults that offers them support through a community that understands them.
How should an Autisib handle bullying? That's so hard for kids. Bullying is one of the biggest obstacles faced by an Autistic child. Express to your typical child what your expectations are. Be very clear and concise. I personally would want my daughter to stand next to and up for her brother. I would then tell her to tell me, her father, or another trusted adult about what happened. The adults need to handle the bullying situation, not the children. That does not mean I expect her to turn a blind eye to bullying. Bullying is wrong, regardless of the situation.
Here are a list of websites and books for you and your beloved Autisib:
Book- Siblings: The Autism Spectrum Through our Eyes
Book List for Autisibs
Facebook- SOAK
Facebook- Siblings of Autistic Children
Parent Website- Healthy Children
Parent Website- Autism Society of America
Organization- Sibling Support Project
I wish you the best of luck and all our support. If you or your child has questions please feel free to post a comment or contact us through our Facebook page.
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