My son has Autism and my daughter is neurotypical. I have a husband and a job. I run this blog and the Aiden's Heroes Facebook page. I have a home sales business. Among all these things I have to find time to maintain my vegetable garden and stay on top of household chores. Many of you are a lot like me. Many of you have a lot of work on your plate. So you ask how do I find time to relax? The answer is difficult and simple: I make it.
I make time to relax. Sometimes it comes at the cost of house chores or a blog post, but finding time to maintain your sanity is very important. Did you know, according to preliminary findings from the IAN Network, as reported by Autism Speaks, approximately 44% of mothers and 30% of fathers to individuals with Autism have been diagnosed with clinical depression? The study reports that 50% of these cases began before the birth of their child with Autism. That means that the other 50% of the cases came afterword.
Stress is my biggest enemy. I find myself under constant stress and on an almost daily basis. Its tough on me and it makes me, at best, irritable. I know that and I notice when it gets worse. For instance today I am more edgy that usual. So I know its time for me to take time to relax. A 2009 article published by Disability Scoop discovered that, particularly mothers, of individuals with Autism experience stress similar to combat soldiers. What does that mean? Its constant. Its a constant bombardment of input and attempts to regain control of your environment.
Its easy for someone to say "you're the parent, so you are in control", but any parent of a child with behavioral disorders knows better. When you are the parent to a child with Autism you are barely holding your head above water, at least that's how it feels. You are probably more in control that you realize. I remember the first time our ABA therapist said "He listens to you very well". I could only say "Really? Because most of the time I feel like I am barely in control". From the outside looking in she saw someone in control, when inside I feel almost constant chaos. I am sure I am not the only parent that feels like this.
So what techniques do I use to relax?
1- A nice hot bath after both kids go to bed. Nothing clears up tension in my shoulders like a hot Epsom salt bath, Its my best form of therapy by far. To add further relaxation I will turn out the lights, light a few candles, turn on some light instrumental music, and sip a glass of red wine. Sometimes I add lavender and chamomile bubble bath solution for some aroma therapy.
I make time to relax. Sometimes it comes at the cost of house chores or a blog post, but finding time to maintain your sanity is very important. Did you know, according to preliminary findings from the IAN Network, as reported by Autism Speaks, approximately 44% of mothers and 30% of fathers to individuals with Autism have been diagnosed with clinical depression? The study reports that 50% of these cases began before the birth of their child with Autism. That means that the other 50% of the cases came afterword.
Stress is my biggest enemy. I find myself under constant stress and on an almost daily basis. Its tough on me and it makes me, at best, irritable. I know that and I notice when it gets worse. For instance today I am more edgy that usual. So I know its time for me to take time to relax. A 2009 article published by Disability Scoop discovered that, particularly mothers, of individuals with Autism experience stress similar to combat soldiers. What does that mean? Its constant. Its a constant bombardment of input and attempts to regain control of your environment.
Its easy for someone to say "you're the parent, so you are in control", but any parent of a child with behavioral disorders knows better. When you are the parent to a child with Autism you are barely holding your head above water, at least that's how it feels. You are probably more in control that you realize. I remember the first time our ABA therapist said "He listens to you very well". I could only say "Really? Because most of the time I feel like I am barely in control". From the outside looking in she saw someone in control, when inside I feel almost constant chaos. I am sure I am not the only parent that feels like this.
So what techniques do I use to relax?
1- A nice hot bath after both kids go to bed. Nothing clears up tension in my shoulders like a hot Epsom salt bath, Its my best form of therapy by far. To add further relaxation I will turn out the lights, light a few candles, turn on some light instrumental music, and sip a glass of red wine. Sometimes I add lavender and chamomile bubble bath solution for some aroma therapy.
2- Watch a movie. Pick a movie you love or have always wanted to see. There are great places to rent movies or get streaming video. Shut off the lights, pop some popcorn, grab a box of chocolates and enjoy some entertainment. You can do this after the kids go to bed, or you can do this while the kids watch their own movie in another room.
3- Splurge every once in a while and treat yourself to a full body massage. Massage is commonly avoided by most people since it seems frivolous. Actually massages, for the money, are well worth the cost. Most are only about $60-$75 for a whole hour. When you break that down per minute its well worth the experience. In fact, there are many health benefits to be gained from professionally administered massages. I have had a few in my lifetime and I think its terribly important to do so annually, at minimum. Ask for it for your birthday, Christmas, or other holiday. Family members will give you gift cards or certificates for massages. And you don't have to be naked during a massage, if that makes you uncomfortable!
4- Have an at home date night. Its so important for parents to stay connected. An at home date night can do just that. Eat snack size meals throughout the day, but cook a beautiful dinner at home. You can do so together if you would like. Turn down the lights, add some candles for a romantic ambiance, and put on some instrumental music. Or build a living room tent and watch a movie under the sheets. You don't have to spend a lot of money to keep the spark alive or to open the communication lines. Here is a great link for more ideas.
5- Read a fantasy, fiction, or sci-fi novel. Why? Its unrealistic, adventurous, and does not engage your overworked mind with lots of information. Instead these novels stimulate other parts of your brain and don't overly tax your thought processes. Its important to read things off topics that stress you. Work for instance, don't read books about what you do for a living or about Autism, in an effort to relax. You may thwart your efforts. I am not saying don't read to educate yourself in your profession or about health care issues, please do, but if relaxation is your goal I suggest reading something off topic.
6- Craft. Crafting is fun, budget friendly, and joyful. I scrapbook, knit, loom, and paint to relax. I find all of these things enjoyable and easy to do any time of the day. I also love to write, though its not crafting, writing is a creative process and allows for a release. Below is a photo of a horse I knitted recently.
Do not deny yourself time to relax. It is extremely necessary for you to momentarily remove yourself from the world around you and do something calming. Always remember it is ok for you to pay attention to yourself. It is not only beneficial for your health, but the health of your family too. How can you care for them, if you do not care for yourself?
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